Every time I do laundry when my family’s asleep and it’s late, I scamper up the stairs between steps and feel huge relief when I close the basement door behind me. I just realized that it’s because I secretly believe that I’m disturbing the peace of some angry ogre that’s living down there.
“Claire, have you heard of April Fools?” my dad asks me for the third year in a row.
AH! this kid is saved by the technologies of his ancestors.
(Source: goodnightandjoybewithyou, via paulettelyon1432)
Real questions asked in my house:
Do we have enough hummus to weather this storm???
My dad just walked upstairs with a tray containing brownies and a glass of Pepsi.
My mother remarked that it is the meal of an enormous fly.
I have an elderly neighbor who every once in a while steps into his backyard with a fly swatter, and he slaps it against the bugs hanging out by the walls of his house. I look on in shock from my window until he carries himself back inside.
Clean
My parents buy the most obscure laundry detergents. Now we have a generic brand with a “tropical scent” and I spell like papayas.
Sharing
Me: Mom, could you please stop borrowing my shoes? You’ve already ruined one pair.
Ma: Oh, yeah I remember.
Me: …
Ma: So give these to me.
Me: …
Dad’s going out to play basketball with his friends
Dad: “Claire, do I look cool?”
He does, except for the fanny pack.
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
