Every time I do laundry when my family’s asleep and it’s late, I scamper up the stairs between steps and feel huge relief when I close the basement door behind me. I just realized that it’s because I secretly believe that I’m disturbing the peace of some angry ogre that’s living down there.
"Claire, have you heard of April Fools?” my dad asks me for the third year in a row.
AH! this kid is saved by the technologies of his ancestors.
Do we have enough hummus to weather this storm???
Meanwhile, neighbors around us are hysterically collecting water bottles, batteries, and gasoline. They’re emptying the bases of their basketball hoops from water and laying them down horizontally. They’re coating their families in layers upon layers of clothing.
My dad just walked upstairs with a tray containing brownies and a glass of Pepsi.
My mother remarked that it is the meal of an enormous fly.
I have an elderly neighbor who every once in a while wheels himself into his backyard. He sits motionless in the sun, concentrating. After several minutes he pulls out a fly swatter and begins to slap it against the bugs hanging out by the walls of his house. I look on in shock from my window until he rolls himself back inside.